Don't get me wrong. Smarty has friends. In fact, her best friend would have probably been hanging out right next to her, but he had to leave earlier. She and her best friend "get" each other's quirks and forgive things about each other that they don't quite understand. She told me once that she and her friend don't discuss "silly things" such as movies. They talk about programming, plan a website they want to develop or debate God's existence. She is also respected and liked by other kids who are happy to have her as a partner in group projects. But... her intensity is not matched by most other kids. It's hard to admit that it's my daughter who often excludes others rather than the other way around. She "does not do group chats" and who is not terribly interested in "small talk" matters of the elementary school. She is a very 1:1 person when it comes to friendships. Interestingly, both my husband and I were the same way as kids, so this apple really did not fall that far off our tree.
Am I worried? Yes, a little. I am worried that Smarty still does not have a girl friend and does not seem to click with girls much. She always wanted to be friends with one girl from her class, but that other girl prefers big groups and already has several other girls who clamor to be her best buddy. Somehow Smarty's friendships with girls never move beyond a couple of playdates regardless of how much fun they have together. She is never invited to sleepovers and other girl events even though I know that they are taking place. Perhaps it's partially our fault, because Smarty is not participating in many bonding after school activities for girls such as girl scouts or girls on the run. On the other hand, she was in band with many of other girls in her grade and always exited on her own while other girls went in groups. I worry what will happen in middle school where, by all accounts, cattiness and exclusion is expected to increase.
How do you support your child's differences from the norm?
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